Your Body, My Choice Has Made Its Way to High Schools

Key Takeaways

1. Misogynistic Language in Schools
   Misogynistic slogans like "Your body, my choice" are being used by young boys in schools as a form of harassment, influenced by online hate speech. This behavior creates unsafe environments for female and marginalized students and may go unchecked by school authorities.
2. Connection Between Misogyny and Violence
   Ignoring misogynistic language can lead to escalated behaviors, including dating and domestic violence. Studies show that teens and young adults are at the highest risk for abuse, and unchecked hate speech often reinforces harmful gender norms and power dynamics.
3. Parenting Strategies Against Misogyny
   Parents can combat misogyny by modeling healthy masculinity, creating a safe space for open discussions about gender and respect and helping children understand the long-term psychological and social impacts of harmful language. Early intervention and education are crucial to fostering respect and equality.

It started as “My Body, My Decision,” in the 1970s, a rallying cry for pro-choice rights which women were granted with the passage of Roe v. Wade in 1973. Over the years, the shout of defiance morphed into “My Body, My Choice,” a unifying slogan for women that encompasses all-around bodily autonomy, decrying sexual assault, domestic violence and forced birth, among others. 

But something recently changed. Young men, particularly alt-right self-described “incels” or, involuntary celibates—men who feel entitled to sexual relationships with women but who blame women for rejecting them—have turned the empowered slogan into hate speech. Nick Fuentes, a white supremacist and self-described “proud incel” who is prominent on social media, wrote on the platform X on Nov. 5, “Your body, my choice. Forever.” It was a spark that unleashed a firestorm of not-so-veiled threats of violence against women and girls, both online and in the real world. The Institute for Strategic Dialogue (ISD) tracked a 4,600 percent increase in the terms “your body, my choice,” and “get back in the kitchen,” in just a 48-hour span on X between Nov. 4 and 6. They also reported that “your body, my choice” made its way offline, specifically into schools. 

“Young girls and parents have used social media to share instances of offline harassment. They include the phrase being directed at them within schools or chanted by young boys in classes,” reports ISD.

Moms Scared for Children’s Safety

Lisa is a mom to two daughters in Alabama. One is a freshman in high school, the other in 7th grade. She says that, after the election, they both came home and told her they’d heard male students using misogynistic language, including parroting Fuentes’ “Your body, my choice.”

“[My oldest daughter] just laughed and told me it was just more of the same that has been going on for a while and [was] hoping it didn't escalate because she already feels unsafe. My youngest was not amused. She is fearless in voicing her opposition to wrongs and hate. She is not scared; I am terrified for her, that she will stand up and make a stance, and by doing so will become a target of someone that will cause her harm to prove a point.”

Lisa says she has spoken with both schools about these incidents, but the response has been lackluster.

“At the middle school, coaches are tasked with monitoring the kids during lunch. They are as apt as the kids to engage in misogyny and sophomoric behavior, so they did not intervene.” At her daughter’s high school, Lisa says the administration assured her it had been addressed and was being monitored “as much as it could be.”

“They, and I, are under no illusion this type of behavior will get better or can be suppressed to any acceptable degree.”

Another mom in California who spoke with DomesticShelters.org but requested to stay anonymous says her 9th-grade daughter witnessed a male student in her school threatening to kill a transgender classmate the day after the election. Her daughter reported the incident to the school administration but so far, the mom says she hasn’t seen any action taken to address the incident. She worries the threats will only escalate if not taken seriously. 

“[My daughter] had reported the same kid a week before ... as he had suddenly sent some of [the students] Hitler memes saying he was Hitler reincarnated. I see threatening to kill someone as pretty darn serious. If this [is ignored], how many other little transgressions are not reported or ignored?”

Reporting Hate Speech—It’s Not Exactly Illegal

One could easily make the argument that “Your body, my choice” is a threat of sexual violence, but it appears that currently, it’s being chalked up to freedom of speech. (Not surprisingly this stance is being made by the perpetrators who use it.) 

For better or worse, the First Amendment protects the freedom of all speech, including hate speech. However, there are some exceptions to this. If hate speech crosses over into threats of violence, directly incites criminal activity or can be linked to a hate crime, it can be prosecuted. A hate crime may include assault, murder, arson or vandalism committed on the basis of someone’s race, gender identity, religion, sexual orientation or disability and is definitely illegal, though individual states have their own definitions of hate crimes.

If you feel like your child is in danger in school due to hate speech,consider the following steps:

• Report the incident to your child’s school. Talk to the principal, school counselors and/or teachers. It might be more effective to request an in-person meeting. 
• As angry as you may be, report the incident without emotion using specific facts including dates, times and names. 
• Ask for a copy of the school’s anti-bullying policy.  
• If no significant action is taken, consider elevating your report to the school board, superintendent of schools or local government officials. 
• Consider filling out this Notice of Harassment to help bolster your complaint.
• If action still isn’t taken, you can consider calling the police. Depending on your state’s laws regarding hate speech, your complaint may or may not be pursued by law enforcement. 
• Teens: If your parents won’t take this seriously, don’t hesitate to report it yourself. 

Given that there have been at least 200 incidents of gun violence in schools so far in 2024, no school should be turning a blind eye to threats, no matter how serious or not they sound. 

Unchecked Misogyny May Lead to Dating Violence 

“I think this was in the making, and it’s not a surprise,” says Shafia Zaloom, health educator and author of Sex, Teens, & Everything In Between on the rise of misogynistic threats in schools. She describes this kind of language as “performative hypermasculinity.” “It becomes your job and a part of your identity and it’s how [boys] feel connected and seen regardless of what they actually believe.” Hypermasculinity describes an exaggeration of masculine stereotypes, including agression, dominance, strength and control. 

The problem is that this goes far beyond just harmful rhetoric. We know that misogyny fuels violence against women. Misogyny is defined as a contempt or hatred of women that often manifests itself via social exclusion, sex discrimination, hostility, patriarchy, male privilege, belittling of women, disenfranchisement of women, violence against women and sexual objectification, making misogynistic language much more than just “boys being boys.” Ignoring it, say advocates, is the biggest mistake. 

Teens and young adults are the most at-risk age groups for dating and domestic violence. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, abusers most often target women ages 18 to 24 (though all gender identities can be targeted by abusers). LoveIsRespect.org reports girls and young women between the ages of 16 and 24 experience the highest rate of intimate partner violence, almost triple the national average. One in three girls in the U.S. will be a victim of physical, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner.

Just as adult abusers are often emboldened by a real lack of consequences (very few abusers are arrested; even fewer are prosecuted), teenagers who experiment with hate speech and not-so-veiled threats of violence toward women are also likely to feel confident in their misogyny. Studies show misogyny can escalate to interpersonal violence, which can then progress from verbal, emotional and psychological abuse to physical and sexual abuse. 

In “What Fuels Domestic Violence? Part 2: Misogyny,” Dr. Linda Olson, a clinical psychologist, psychotherapist, and licensed clinical social worker with over 30 years of trauma counseling tells DomesticShelters.org, “Many [abusers] grew up witnessing childhood domestic violence and don’t have a clue what abuse is and how they’re repeating it. It’s how their fathers treated their mothers.”

According to statistics, 15.5 million children in the U.S. are estimated to live in families in which a parent or caregiver has perpetuated domestic violence at least once in the past year. That inherited misogyny often manifests as a sense of shame, anger and denial, says Olson. 

“It’s control, it’s overreaction, explosive outbursts, an imbalance of power and demeaning and degrading their partner,” says Olson.

Learning Healthy Masculinity Starts at Home

Zaloom says this type of language is a warning sign of things to come. 

“If we want to redefine hypermasculinity, or traditional gender norms and expectations that are narrow and limit boys in having a fully human experience, being connected to feelings, being able to express them, we need to put in front of them aspirational masculinity—diverse representations of masculinity that are caring and community-oriented. That has to start early.”

And that means talking to your children of all genders. While boys may be feeling empowered by the “Your body, my choice” slogan, Zaloom says she’s also heard of girls in school wearing shirts that read, “My body, his choice.” 

“When we discuss gender, boys aren’t the only ones who are socialized when it comes to expectations of masculinity,” says Zaloom.

Start with these methods at home to combat misogyny:

• Model healthy masculinity. No matter the gender of your children, modeling traits of healthy masculinity is going to be what your children absorb more so than what they see on social media or from their peers. Using kind, nonjudgmental language toward all genders; respecting boundaries; sharing domestic labor (the work done to run a home such as childcare, cleaning and preparing meals) evenly regardless of gender; showing emotions and supporting your children showing emotions; and challenging sexist humor are good places to start. You may also want to read, "6 Ways to Raise Sexually Respectful Boys" for more tips.
• Create a safe environment. Maybe your kids haven’t yet been exposed to blatant misogyny at school. But they likely will someday. Make sure you know that they can come to you with any questions they have and you’re willing to discuss topics without anger or judgment. 
• Stay calm, ask questions. If your child is asking about misogynistic language they’ve heard or is even using it themselves, keep your composure and ask questions, says Zaloom. “Engage in a genuine exploration of where that’s coming from. Does your child understand what it means?” Zaloom says that, when she gives talks at schools, kids love talking about gender and gender expression. “They actually eat that stuff up but a lot of times we don’t create space for that to happen.”
• Help them understand the greater impact and consequences. Girls who experience misogynistic attacks reported psychological distress even four years later, according to the Young Women’s Trust out of London. Let your teen know that their words can have a direct impact on their peers’ mental health long-term. Not only that, they can face punishments from the school, even law enforcement. This would be a good time to make clear what your own consequences are for this kind of language. 

For possible ways to respond to misogynistic language, read “It’s Time to Challenge Sexist Humor.”